ひよっこフェンサー 激動の二ヶ月

櫻井 杏理（さくらいあんり）

車いすフェンサーとして剣を握り始めて約2ヶ月が経過しました。まだ2ヶ月しか経っていないことに違和感を抱く位、私にとって激動の2ヶ月間でした。

車いすフェンシングとの出逢いは、ある日突然訪れました。その頃まさに、オールシーズン通して取り組めるスポーツを探していました。海へサーフィンに出掛けるのも、雪山へスキーに出掛けるのも、健常者としか行ったことがなかった自分にとって、障害者スポーツという世界に興味は凄くありました。

そんな中、声を掛けて頂き、迷うことなく挑戦してみようと決心しました。しかし、小中高と陸上競技しかしてこなかった私は、フェンシングどころか、対面競技さえ初めてで何もかもが未知の経験です。初めて練習見学に訪れ、目の前で迫力ある動きを目にし、自分の手で初めて剣を握った間、“このスポーツと向き合ってみたい”という素直な想いが芽生えました。

しかしながら、“挑戦してみたい”という初めに抱いた気持ちは、不思議なもので、練習を重ねるごとに“もっと上手くなりたい”という想いに、いつのまにかそれは“勝ちたい、強くなりたい”と変化していきました。車いす生活になってからずっと心の奥底に封じ込めていた“競争心”というのものが、殻を破り、再び湧き上がってきていることを自覚し始めました。どうせもうみんなと同じ土俵には立てない、と挑戦する前から諦めることで平静を装っていた5年の月日が一瞬にして揺れ動き出したのです。

とは言え、まだまだ知らないことばかりの世界で、日々の練習は発見と学びの連続です。難しい剣さばきに身体と頭は付いていくのに必死ですが、こうしてまた一つのことに打ち込むことが出来る喜びを感じています。

それと同時に、車いすフェンシングチームには、言葉では上手く言い表すことの出来ない“居心地の良さ”というものを実感しています。障害を負うまでのプロセスも、障害を抱えた今の姿も全てひっくるめて受け入れて下さった、第二の家族が出来たような気がしています。背伸びすることなく、卑下することもなく、等身大の自分で居られる場所だからです。

車いすフェンシングとの出逢いは、自身を取り巻く環境のみならず、スポーツに対する想い、人に対する想い、自身の障害と向き合う姿勢など多くの側面をめまぐるしく変化させたのです。ある日突然訪れた出逢いにより、点と点が線になり、その線が新たな軌跡を描き出しました。

いつも温かなサポートをして下さっている、車いすフェンシングチームの皆さんは勿論のこと、私自身の家族、友人、職場の同僚たち…　そして、座位が安定せず車いすにまともに座っていることさえ出来なかった私がこうしてスポーツに挑めるまで、ずっと寄り添って心身共に支えてきて下さったリハビリの担当セラピストには心から感謝しています。この感謝の気持ちを常に忘れず、車いすフェンサーとして結果を出すことで恩返しをしていけたら本望です。

こんなまだまだひよっこフェンサーですが、これからも御指導・応援を宜しくお願い致します。

Fencer’s Blog by Anri Sakurai

2014.12.9

It has now been about two months since I first held a sword as a wheelchair fencer.  For me, these two months have brought about such drastic changes that it seems odd that only two months have passed.

Wheelchair fencing entered my life suddenly and unexpectedly.  At that time, I was looking for a sport that I could participate in year round.  Since I could only participate in surfing at the beach or skiing at the mountains accompanied by a non-handicapped person, I was very interested in the world of adapted sports.

It was during that time that I was approached, and without question, decided to face the challenge.  However, since I had only been involved with track and field through high school, fencing, let alone one-on-one competition, was a complete unknown to me.

When I first visited a practice and saw for myself the powerful movements, and when I held a sword in my own hand for the first time, I was overcome with a sincere desire to try this sport, head on.

However, the more I practiced, this initial feeling of wanting to “try” the sport became a feeling of wanting to “improve” in the sport.  At some point, that feeling had morphed into a feeling of wanting to “win,” to “become stronger.”

I began to realize that my competitive spirit that had been buried deep within ever since I became wheelchair bound had been reignited.  The five years I had spent maintaining a calm façade by giving up even before trying anything, believing that I could no longer compete at the same level as everyone else, had now been wiped away in an instant.

Having said that, however, the world of wheelchair fencing remains an unfamiliar one and there is still so much to be learned, and each practice brings about new discoveries.

It is very challenging for my body and mind to keep in step with the complex movements of the sword, but the true joy has come from once again being able to throw myself into something so wholly.

In addition, the wheelchair fencing team has provided me with a level of comfort that I can hardly put into words.  It feels as though I now have a second family that has accepted me for not only who I am with my physical limitations, but as a whole person including the process that led to my disability.  This is a place that allows me to be myself, without having to overreach or self-depreciate.

Having wheelchair fencing become a part of my life has not only changed my immediate surroundings, but has brought about significant changes to my feelings towards sports, my feelings towards other people, and my attitude towards my own disability.  A chance encounter has filled in the blanks and opened up new paths for me.

I would like to express my gratitude toward those that provide me with support including the wheelchair fencing team, my family, friends, and coworkers.

I would also like to sincerely thank my physical therapist that supported me, both physically and emotionally, from a time when I could barely sit up properly in a wheelchair to now, when I am once again able to challenge myself athletically.

It is my wish and my goal to give back to those to whom I am grateful by training to become a successful wheelchair fencer, and will always move forward with this sense of gratitude in my heart.

I am still just a “newbie” fencer, but your support and guidance is greatly appreciated.

Translated by Suki Harada